


Things Johnny Knows

by SpraceJunkie



Category: Bandstand - Oberacker/Oberacker & Taylor
Genre: I love my gay sax boy and my gay drum boy, Johnny pov, M/M, also writing Johnny is incredibly fun and I love him, anyway take some Jimmy John's bc that's what they're called now and I love them, but literally like one mention of it, i forgot wayne's last name oops, mentions of period typical homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 05:40:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15136358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpraceJunkie/pseuds/SpraceJunkie
Summary: Johnny isn't stupid, he just forgets some things, is all. He knows plenty, and learning new things is always a good way to build unforgettable things.(Johnny is oblivious but not stupid and Jimmy is a dork)





	Things Johnny Knows

Johnny didn’t know a whole lot, really.

He didn’t remember much, not of anything. He remembered the world spinning around him, once, twice, three times. Because his Jeep flipped three times, three times!

And he knew remembering that made his back hurt, once, twice, three times, stab, stab, stab, and once it started, it didn’t stop until he could take his pills again. So he didn’t like to remember that one, so he remembered it once when he met somebody so he didn’t have to again.

But sometimes he forgot he’d already met somebody and remembered again, and stab, stab, stab, he had to suck in a breath and hope the waves of pain would stop or check his watch and hope it was almost time to take a pill.

He knew the drums. That was an instinct. Booming bass, rasping cymbals, fast, slow, rhythm, rhythm rhythm, that was familiar and took the pain away in how he didn’t have to think and never had to remember, not when he was practicing and not when he was performing. 

He knew his friends, too. They thought he forgot, but he just knew them better than they thought.

Donny played to forget, just like Johnny did. He played because when he was playing, he didn’t have to worry about nightmares or unwanted memories or breaking down, because even though he played his instrument with his hands, his breathing was stronger when he played. He was broken and working to fix himself.

Wayne didn’t like being touched, because it threw him off, but sometimes, he needed a hug. And Johnny knew how to give a good hug. And maybe Wayne held himself stiff and said “oh no” when Johnny hugged him, but Johnny could see how he relaxed after. Sometimes, even the strictest of people needed a reminder that they were loved.

Davy needed to feel appreciated, too. He told crude jokes and fancy jokes and dumb jokes, and Johnny didn’t really get most of them. But Davy did this _thing_ , when he wanted a laugh, where he waggled his eyebrows and got ready to smile, and when Johnny saw that face, he laughed anyway, even if he didn’t get the joke. It was always worth it.

Nick wasn’t as mean as he pretended to be. Even if he didn’t think Johnny’s jokes were funny, usually. He didn’t laugh at much, anyway, Johnny wasn’t an exception there. But when he did like a joke, he made a certain noise, and after he made that noise his eyes were brighter and his playing was more light-hearted, fun. So Johnny cracked as many jokes as he could think of, hoping to make Nick make that noise so he could be happier for a little while.

Julia just liked to take care of people. She was funny and sweet and made Donny as happy as playing piano did, and she liked to sit down and listen and give advice and help people and take care of them.

It was worth remembering once, twice, three times flipping, stab, stab, stab, for the way Julia comforted him and pretended like it was the first time she’d heard the story, because Johnny knew she had to remember everything bad that had happened to her, and remembering the only thing he could to help her would always be worth it.

But Johnny knew Jimmy was the best.

Sometimes, when he looked at Jimmy, he almost remembered pieces of something besides the once, twice, three times of that Jeep. He almost, almost, not quite, remembered that the guy sitting next to him, the one who didn’t make it, the one who Johnny could almost forget looked twisted and broken after the once, twice, three times ended and he was in so much pain he couldn’t even move his eyes away, he almost remember that that guy had Jimmy’s…Jimmy’s something. His laugh. His eyes? His hair, his…his plaid? Jimmy’s something, and maybe Johnny watched Jimmy a little too closely because that thing? That he wanted to remember. He wanted to remember what was so special about that guy that he could almost remember it, and to figure out why all of those things about Jimmy made him feel…different.

So maybe Johnny spent too much time looking at Jimmy, but that meant he knew him the best, the most.

Jimmy played high notes more when he got anxious, and when he got lost in thought, even when he was playing, he looked kind of above and through everyone around him. He had exactly twelve pairs of plaid pants, and three suits, but he only wore them when he needed to dress up for a concert, and he only had like five shirts that he wore, but once he wore a different one, so Johnny thought maybe he had more.

That salmon colored shirt had looked real nice, too, it made his eyes look blue instead of gray, and it made him look stronger, too. Maybe that was what reminded Johnny of what he’d almost forgotten, how strong Jimmy was, even if he didn’t always look it.

And Johnny knew Jimmy spent as much time looking at Donny as Johnny spent looking at him, only he didn’t look the same way. Jimmy looked at Donny the same way Julia did, and the same way Donny looked at Julia, only Donny didn’t look at Jimmy or Johnny or Nick or Wayne or Davy that way, only Julia.

So Johnny guessed, but he didn’t know, that Jimmy was in love with Donny, and that made him almost remember something else about the guy next to him while they flipped once, twice, three times, a certain way he’d looked at Johnny, maybe, or…or a feeling. A really brief smile and a flip in his stomach and a, and a, and a….and that he couldn’t remember. Something. Something happy, something that made him laugh even if he had been sure exactly why, a word or…or a kiss.

That’s what it was. Seeing Jimmy watch Donny like he was in love with him made him almost remember a kiss, but not who was kissing or where or why, just that it had been a kiss and it had made Johnny happy.

Maybe he’d kissed the guy sitting next to him?

Or maybe he’d seen him kiss somebody else, and they were friends, and so it made him happy. Seeing Donny kiss Julia made him happy.

Sometimes, Johnny and Jimmy were the last ones left after a rehearsal. Before New York, that never happened. It was always Donny.

Julia wanted to get home so she could wake up early, Wayne needed to leave as soon as the clock struck the hour Donny had said it was over, Davy wanted to get to the bars, Jimmy wanted to study, Nick left with Wayne, Johnny left when everyone else did, and Donny stayed to clean up.

Now that they had their own, permanent rehearsal space when they were home in Cleveland, Donny left with Julia, everyone else left the same, but Jimmy had his law degree now and didn’t need to go home and study, and Johnny waited with him, since he was going to same way anyhow.

“Both our names start with J. That’s funny.” Johnny stated in a moment of epiphany, sitting behind his drum kit, watching the methodical way Jimmy cleaned his saxophone and clarinet.

“They sure do.” Jimmy said absently.

He was never mean, even on accident. Sometimes the other guys forgot Johnny forgot and finished his jokes quickly so they could move on, or made a joke about him being dumb.

He wasn’t dumb, but his jeep flipped three times, three times! And so sometimes he just forgot, is all.

Jimmy never made those jokes.

He had that look in his eyes he got when he was thinking about something else, and he kept looking over towards the piano, his hands moving in practiced motions to clean his instruments, and Johnny thought that probably meant Jimmy was thinking about Donny.

“What does it feel like to be in love?” Johnny asked. If he didn’t ask questions when he thought of them, he might forget, and Jimmy was never mean. Jimmy would answer honestly.

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Yes, you would.” Johnny said confidently. “You’re in love with Donny, aren’t you?” Jimmy froze.

“Who said that?” He said, and his voice was higher than normally, and Johnny wondered if his voice got higher like his music did when he got anxious.

He didn’t mean to make him anxious.

“I saw it.” He said. “You and Julia look the same at him.”

“I’m not in love with Donny.”

“Oh. I just thought, is all.”

“Christ, Johnny, don’t you know a man can’t love a man?” That made Johnny frown.

“Yes they can. I love all of you.”

“Not like Julia loves Donny and Donny loves Julia, you don’t. Donny loves Julia.”

“Oh. But…but why can’t a man love a man like Donny loves Julia?” Johnny was still frowning, trying to understand why Jimmy was lying, when he was obviously in love with Donny.

“Because it isn’t right. It isn’t right and a man should love a woman.”

“Well, I think you should just be happy with being in love with Donny. I think love should feel happy.”

“Well it doesn’t!” Jimmy snapped, and that was the meanest he’d ever been. “Okay? Christ, Johnny, it doesn’t feel happy when you know you lost the only person who’s probably ever going to love you back and the person you love now is in love with somebody else and he won’t ever be in love with you because he doesn’t fall for other men! That’s not a happy feeling! That feels like…like shit, Johnny, it feels like shit.” His clarinet was finally packed into its case and he stood up like he was going to leave, looking at Johnny like he was scared of him, like he was scared of Johnny, who would never want to hurt anyone, not ever again, not after things he couldn’t remember but knew he hated.

“You don’t have to be scared of me.” He said slowly.

“Don’t I?” Jimmy laughed, but it wasn’t his real, happy laugh. It was…it was a wartime laugh, a laugh to hide fear. “I just admitted to you that I’m in love with another man, that I’m gay, I’m a homosexual, and you could tell everyone if you wanted to.”

“I don’t tell secrets, Jimmy.” Johnny said seriously. Not ever. A secret was a secret. He never told a secret. “I won’t tell Donny.”

“You can’t tell anyone, Johnny, nobody. God knows why I told you.” Jimmy put down his clarinet case to pull his jacket on over his suspenders and one of his white shirts that made his eyes look so gray.

He still hadn’t answered Johnny’s first question.

“Okay. What does it feel like to be in love?” Jimmy sighed.

“You don’t give up, do you?”

“Never. Doctors said that’s why I survived, I don’t give up, even when my jeep flipped three times.” Johnny smiled. Jimmy let him finish, Jimmy wasn’t mean, he knew that Johnny needed to be able to remember what he could so he knew he remembered at all.

Jimmy sat down, and Johnny could tell he was thinking again, but he wasn’t far away, he was getting ready to talk.

“When I forget he won’t ever love me back, it is happy. When he sings, Johnny, it’s…it’s like…I couldn’t describe it. Like he’s singing just for me, but it makes me so happy, you know? It sounds so nice. And when he smiles at me, it’s like he’s the only one that really matters. And then I remember he loves Julia, and I’m happy for him! Really happy, he’s my friend, and so is she, of course I’m happy for them, but he doesn’t love me, not like that, and that’s the part that feels like shit.”

Even if he couldn’t describe what he meant exactly, Johnny was pretty sure he understood. Because that sounded just like the way it felt when Jimmy switched instruments in the middle of a song and Johnny couldn’t help but laugh a little but at how fast he could switch gears, or when he played a solo and the crowd cheered and Johnny was proud of him for doing so well, or the way it felt when Jimmy laughed at a joke everyone else didn’t laugh at, or when he smiled just at Johnny for something and…oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

And just like that, Johnny knew something new.

If that was what love felt like, and that’s what Jimmy was saying love felt like, then Johnny was in love with Jimmy just like Jimmy was in love with Donny.

He didn’t say that out loud because he didn’t think that was something he’d be forgetting, not when it made him look at Jimmy the same way he always had, but just a little bit different.

And that was what Jimmy reminded him of, the way Johnny had felt when he was with the guy he’d shared his jeep with, because that kiss was definitely between him and that guy, and now he knew he was lucky he didn’t remember it all, because he had a feeling that would have hurt a whole lot more than his back did.

Jimmy stood up again.

“I…I should go. I’ll…you promise you won’t tell anybody?” Johnny nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Knowing something new changed a lot.

Now, when they were rehearsing or on stage or just talking, and he was watching Jimmy, knew he was looking at Jimmy the same way Jimmy looked at Donny and Donny looked at Julia and Julia looked at Donny.

And maybe it did feel a little bad that Jimmy didn’t look Johnny the same way, but it was mostly a happy feeling, especially now that he had a word for it.

Love. That was a pretty word.

Jimmy was kind of pretty.

Julia was pretty, too, but she looked like a picture. Like a movie star, like she’d walked right out of a screen and was singing for them like a movie star.

Jimmy was pretty because of the way he laughed and how the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled and how red his face turned when he played loud and how he was always nice to Johnny, and how talking to him made him forget the one, two, three flips and ignore the stab, stab, stab, and Jimmy was pretty in how he let his suspenders hang loose when he was comfortable and how he always wore plaid pants and how sometimes his eyes were gray and sometimes they were blue and how he cleaned his instruments so carefully every time even if he hadn’t played them, and how he talked like he was so smart but never made Johnny feel stupid. He was pretty in a real way, not just in his face, and Julia was nice and funny and sweet but not so much as Jimmy.

And maybe he was imagining it, because he really kind of wanted Jimmy to look at him instead of Donny, but once in a while it seemed like maybe he made eye contact with Jimmy just a few more times than normal, and maybe Jimmy was being extra nice, and maybe Jimmy did have a little bit of that same look in his eye when he looked at Johnny.

And maybe they were the last ones to leave together just a little more often than normal.

“You know, both of our names start with J. That’s funny.”

“And Donny and Davy both start with D.”

“I said that already, didn’t I?”

“Only once.” Jimmy smiled at him over his disassembled saxophone, pulling a cloth through the mouthpiece over and over again, making sure it was really clean. “It is funny. We match.”

His smile was a happy thing, too, just like being in love was a happy thing.

“I remember. When you told me about love, and I promised to never tell anyone.”

“Yeah, that was when.” Jimmy’s smile got a little more sad.

“You wanna know something?” Johnny said, wanting him to know, at least. If Jimmy trusted him with his secret, then Johnny could trust Jimmy with his secret. Even if it wasn’t really a secret.

“What?”

“I think I’ve been in love before.”

“Oh yeah?”

“My jeep, it flipped. Flipped three times.” Stab, stab, stab, but even when he braced himself for the pain, it didn’t come. 

Right, because Jimmy did the same thing music did. It didn’t hurt so bad with Jimmy.

“And there was a guy in it with. I don’t remember his name. He kissed me once, I think. I don’t remember. I did love him, though.” Jimmy went quiet.

“I loved a man on my ship, and he loved me. He died when it went down.”

“He died when the jeep flipped. Three times.” Stab, stab, stab, just a little bit. Too much remembering still hurt.

“I’m sorry.” Jimmy said quietly.

“Me, too.” Johnny said sincerely. Jimmy looked sad, now, and that made Johnny sad. “I love you.” Johnny said simply.

“I love you, too.”

“This doesn’t feel like shit.”

“What?” Jimmy laughed, changing the mood quickly.

“You said being in love feels like shit. I think it feels happy most of the time.”

“It isn’t sad that you lost it?” Johnny frowned.

“I don’t think I remember him enough to be sad about him. But I meant being in love with you.”

Jimmy froze, went completely still, just looked at Johnny in something really close to shock if it wasn’t quite there.

“I…me? You’re in love with me?”

“I already told you, didn’t I?” He didn’t usually forget so soon, and he was pretty sure he’d just told Jimmy that a few seconds ago.

“I…I didn’t think you meant…romantically?”

“The way Donny looks at Julia. That’s how I look at you.”

Jimmy shook his head, staring at Johnny.

“The way you look at Donny.” Johnny added.

“I got over Donny weeks ago, Johnny. He’s in love with Julia, it’s not worth it. I…I thought…I thought I’d picked another person who’d never…” He trailed off, and Johnny noticed his voice was high again, like he was anxious.

Johnny wasn’t behind his drums tonight, he was sitting across the table from Jimmy to watch him clean, and it felt almost too close now, but not quite. Like maybe he wanted to be even closer, or else he wanted to be farther away, but he couldn’t tell which.

Jimmy’s hand touched his, surprising him, making his hand jump up, but he quickly let their fingers meet and intertwine, so Jimmy was holding his hand, and then he knew he wanted to be closer.

Like maybe he didn’t remember when he was kissed before, but maybe he wanted to do the kissing this time.

So he leaned forward a little bit, just to see if Jimmy would too, and Jimmy did, and then he closed his eyes because he wasn’t sure where to look, and then there was a little touch on his mouth and he opened his eyes and Jimmy was so close to him he went cross-eyed trying to see Jimmy’s pretty eyes, but they were closed, so he closed his again, and just liked how happy it made him feel.

It felt like his stomach was flipping, once, twice, three times, four times, over and over again, but it didn’t hurt at all, he was so happy nothing hurt, nothing at all.

And when Jimmy pulled back but didn’t let go of Johnny’s hand, Johnny had to laugh at so many things.

How ticklish his stomach felt.

How Jimmy had said their names matched and now they had kissed.

How warm their hands were, how Jimmy’s clarinet was packed up but two pieces of his saxophone were still between them, how he’d been right about two things, about loving Jimmy and about Jimmy looking at him more, how nothing hurt and everything felt so happy.

And Jimmy laughed too, and leaned his head forward so their foreheads were pressed together.

“This is real.” He said. “I love you, and you love me.”

“This is life.” Johnny remembered Donny saying that when he’d told Julia he loved her in New York.

“Yeah, Johnny, this is life.”

They went home much later than normal that night, and Johnny knew it would take a lot more than one, two, three flips to make him forget how wonderful that was. How Jimmy hadn’t let go of his hand and how Jimmy had kissed him more and he’d kissed Jimmy more and when they’d finally left, Johnny carried Jimmy’s clarinet so they could let their shoulders bump together while they walked towards Jimmy’s house, and how Jimmy had kissed him once more, smiling like crazy, right before going inside.

Those were all too important, too happy, too pretty to forget anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey hey guess which fandom is finally getting some action? Guess who just wrote 3521 words in one sitting and actually liked the result? Guess who really really loves Bandstand and its characters?
> 
> The answer to the first one is this one, and if you answered Asper to the second two, you are correct!
> 
> Hgkhgkjdgfj it's 3:03 am right now forgive me, but come say hi on Tumblr, I love musicals! I'm @enby-crutchie and I'm always down to talk to anyone!


End file.
